I Can’t Hear Myself saying Hiss to a Cat now!

I Can’t Hear Myself saying Hiss to a Cat now!

By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N Senthilkumaran

In my very, very young and idiotic days I would creep up behind sleeping cats for the express purpose of saying “hiss” and scaring them out of their fur. It never worked. Normally, they would hear me at 50yards range and would walk away calmly with their supercilious attitude intact and with their tails still at full mast.  

Cats always had a head start on us kids.

My three younger sisters would remember my activities in this particular field of scientific research.

Sri Lanka was very quiet sound-wise then. One could hear birds singing and even hear Geckos making their disapproving “chack chack” noises. You could even hear a coconut deciding not to fall off a tree!

Having returned to the good Old Republic after a lapse of what seemed to be a too long a time, (opinions do differ on this in our household), I was delighted to find out that this activity, that of scaring cats, is now possible and with good dividends! 

Think Plastic or Swim

Think Plastic or Swim

 My Efforts to Counter Global Warming

By

 Gyan C A Fernando

With illustrations by N. Senthilkumaran

Drastic events need drastic action! That is what I always say when I’ve had a beer, or two. They have been sinking for years, not the beers; and no one has done anything for them except generate a lot of hot air in Geneva and in New York.

Unlike them, I am a Man of Action, a sort of a Superman or a Minor Deity!  You know what I mean, don’t you?  No?

Why Boys Love Trains and Girls Love Dolls

 

Why Boys Love Trains and Girls Love Dolls

Pseudo Scientific Research of the Zany Kind!

This article appeared in the Lanka Railway Digest (August 2012 issue)

Read it here:  LINK
 

Acalculia and I

 

Acalculia and I

I was never a calculating sort of person

By

Gyan C A Fernando

With illustrations by N.Senthilkumaran

Acalculia and I

Some of you out there, having just got up on a Sunday morning and having just glanced at but not really comprehended the main title of this article, are probably thinking that Acalculia is a young Eastern European, short-skirted, disco type tart that I once used to associate with.

Others, well-versed in Classic Greek Literature in their formative years and who have just had the advantage of an invigorating early morning cup of tea might be thinking, with smug complacency, that Acalculia must be one of those nasty Siren type girls from Greek Mythology. Well you know Medusa et al don’t you?

Can you all now get up and stand in the corner of the class!

You are all wrong! It is neither!

For most people it is quite easy-peasy to work out that the logarithm of whatever is something-or-the-other, just off the tops of their heads. For me, the complex mathematical formula of two plus two is quite easy, but anything else is a challenge.

STSpectator

STSPECTATOR

A Blog about books and reading by a Sri Lankan: http://stspectator.wordpress.com/author/stspectator/

Go Easy on the Confetti, Please!

Go Easy on the Confetti, Please!

By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N. Senthilkumaran

Life sometimes brings up pleasant little surprises!

Take this morning, for instance: I discovered that I could get married for just Rs30! Not that I want get married again, but isn’t that a pleasant little surprise?

Stamps and Philately

The Sticky World of Stamps and Philately

By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N. Senthilkumaran

The other day I was extolling the virtues of stamp collecting, in particular the aesthetics, the tranquil and genteel aspects of this hobby etc. for the benefit of a very young and impressionable son of a friend of mine, when my grown up niece Samanmalie, aka “Sam”, butted in. 

The Incas and QR Codes

 

The Incas and QR Codes

QR Code

Inca boss, Viracocha

Remember that we told you about this first!

There is now definite proof that the Incas invented QR codes. 

The Incas never had a conventional written language which led many Archaeologist types to conclude that the Incas were thick. 

My own research, that of re-reading Herge's Tintin books again and again, show that Viracocha, an Inca God-type, created QR codes after himself! (There is more)

Want to buy some fake sapphires?

Pssst! Want to buy some fake Sapphires…?

 By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N Senthilkumaran

T

he good old Republic of Sri Lanka is famous for some of the nicest precious stones in the world and as one might expect, most Sri Lankans seem to be obsessed with buying, selling, acquiring or mining; legally or illegally, mostly the latter.

"El Bandido", my Paraguayan business partner

Most refer to precious stones as Gems but quite often as Gem’s (sic), with a total disregard for the correct usage of the apostrophe.

Gem’s..er…I mean Gems… are rather nice, but they tend to bring out the baser instincts of Srilankan-kind.

Galloping Inflation

Galloping Inflation, Running Bears and a lot of Bull

How a Family Game of Monopoly turned into Economic Chaos

By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N. Senthilkumaran

Any family card game or board game that we undertake in our household has a tendency to descend into chaos. Most blame me of course and accuse me of cheating, which I don’t, but I do admit that I have a tendency to bend the rules. 

Match me against my niece Samanmalee, aka Sam (pretty, 35+), and things become totally mired. For a start, Sam has a broadband brain combined with a 100 gigahertz clock speed, plus a loud mouth. She can also turn her charm on and off rapidly to suit the circumstances.

The other day, we were all at a loose end and decided to play a game of Monopoly to pass the time.

Sri Wickrema Rajasinghe

 

The Lion King

Part 1

By 

Walt Disneynayake

It was the year 18hundred something and King Rajadi Rajasinghe got Malaria and asked for Chloroquine.

Chloroquine had not yet been discovered so they gave him Koththamalli instead.

(Even if Chloroquine had been invented the idiots in the Health Department would have had a shortage of it! The Director of Health Services and his yes men could not tell the difference between their chloroquine, arses and their elbows!)

The King died. His last words were "AaaaaaH!"

He was childless. He had at least three wives and there was considerable speculation as to what he was doing with them…or rather what he was not! By the time he got Malaria it was too late to procreate.

Tintin in Sri Lanka

TINTIN: An adventure like no other

By

Gyan C. A. Fernando

Illustrated by N. Senthilkumaran (with apologies to Herge’)

The other day I went to see the Tintin movie at the Liberty Cinema in the company of my young nephew and his lovely fiancée. I wanted to see it on the big screen but was rather reluctant to go on my own, so the young couple took pity on the old Uncle and off we went. Mind you, I did pay for the tickets!

Getambe Jones and The Lost Railway Halt

“Getambe” Jones and the Lost Railway Halt

By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N. Senthilkumaran 

I suppose, as usual, it all started off in my childhood. As a youngster, amongst other things, I wanted to be an explorer. At that time explorers were celebrities. One of the famous, some might say notorious, explorer-archaeologist was Howard Carter. Carter discovered and plundered the late boy-King Tutankhamen’s pyramid.

Then there was Hiram Bingham who “discovered” and plundered the “Lost City” of Macchu Picchu in Peru and is now immortalised in having a touristy and expensive train named after him, the train that runs from Cuzco to Aguas Caliente in Peru.

Alberta and I

Alberta Darling,

I’m back!

By

Gyan C A Fernando

Illustrated by N. Senthilkumaran

Sigmund Freud would have had something to say about this.

O

n the 23^rd of November 2001 and living somewhere far away from Sri Lanka, I must have been in a strange and nostalgic mood or someone must have slipped a mind-mending drug into my cheap drink, because on this day I wrote a highly sentimental, cringe-worthy and embarrassingly silly article for my web page.

The article was entitled “Alberta Dahling” (sic!).