Pssst! Want to buy
some fake Sapphires…?
By
Gyan C A Fernando
Illustrated by N Senthilkumaran
T
|
he
good old Republic of Sri Lanka is famous for some of the nicest precious stones
in the world and as one might expect, most Sri Lankans seem to be obsessed with
buying, selling, acquiring or mining; legally or illegally, mostly the latter.
"El Bandido", my Paraguayan business partner |
Gem’s..er…I
mean Gems… are rather nice, but they tend to bring out the baser instincts of
Srilankan-kind.
I remember, in 1977, when I was working as a
young Doctor in Badulla, someone found a precious stone at Ridipana Estate.
Ridipana Estate was then a rather neglected tea plantation on the
Badulla-Mahiyangana Road.
As
soon as word got around of this find, the normally-peaceful and charming denizens
of Badulla, descended on Ridipana, uprooted tea bushes, staked out plots, hit
each other on the heads with shovels, dug pits, got drunk and had knife-fights.
See
what I meant about baser instincts?
The
first casualty that I can remember from “The Great Ridipana Gem Rush of 77” was
a guy who walked backwards and fell into the pit of his own making, drunk of
course, fracturing his left tibia plus fibula. Compound, comminuted and rather
nasty!
Then
there was the guy who fell into a pit one dark night, drunk and whilst carrying
a kerosene lamp. In the process he set fire to his only sarong which he
unfortunately happened to be wearing at the time.
The hospital provided a sarong |
Luckily, he just sustained
first degree burns of his nether regions. Rather painful, but survivable. He
couldn’t sit down for days! The hospital provided him with a new sarong, white
and with the large indigo logo " GHB General Hospital Badulla”.
Meanwhile, back at the Ridipana Ranch, organised
chaos reigned until the local Police decided to take an uncharacteristical professional
interest in Law and Order, which was after about a lapse of two months.
Things
then, predictably, spiraled in a downward direction, totally and utterly out of
control!
Following
my recent return to the Pearl of The Indian Ocean, I have noticed that there is
a fair bit of cut-throatism and a lot of the “destruction of the environment”
stuff associated with the business.
When
someone recently found a bit of broken glass in a pile of earth at a place
called Tammannawa, the usually guarded Sri Lankan Media reported:
“Politicians galore
at ‘gem pit’ auction”
“The Kataragama-Lunugamwehera road looks like a scene from the Western
Front circa 1918”
Hmmmmm!
A fair bit of hyperbole on that last headline, but generally true!
Gem
mining, legal or otherwise, causes “destruction of the environment”. Recent
events in the Kataragama area, makes my story of the Ridipana Estate pale into
insignificance.
This
is where an environmentally-concerned international entrepreneur like me has to
come forward to save this Paradise!
Perfect Gem’s..er…Gems!
What
most people don’t realize is that far more “perfect” gems can be manufactured
artificially and without the “destruction of the environment” thing.
When
lasers were first invented, the scientist chaps used natural rubies in their
lasers. Unfortunately, natural rubies are not perfect and furthermore the Sri
Lankan gem merchants at that time were charging a fortune for rubies. So some clever
guy decided to make perfect, artificial, rubies for lasers.
Just
open the optical drive of your computer and you will find an artificial gem in
it! Yes! That’s correct! The little shiny bit. (Warning! Lasers can blind you!
So can Gems!)
It
is quite simple to make an artificial ruby. All you need is fine Aluminium
Oxide powder, aka Alumina, and an Oxy-Acetylene flame and you are in business.
The same applies to the manufacture of artificial sapphires. (In case you
didn’t know what an oxy-acetylene flame is, just ask your local garage. They
use it regularly for welding or rather, “waalding” as they call it.)
Gala, my Russian business partner |
My Gem’s…..Gems
In
order to save the environment I now propose to start manufacturing artificial
gems using the aforementioned principles.
One
of the problems with manufacturing synthetic gems is that one needs a lot of
energy, either in the form of petroleum gases or in the form of electricity.
I am
pleased to say that I have located cheap sources of both!
There
is plenty of gas in Siberia, Russia.
I
once met a pretty, short-skirted and red lip-sticked Siberian Russian girl by
the name of Galina Ivanova (“Gala” to her clients). She later wrote to me
asking for money to set up a factory of sorts to make artificial diamonds. I gladly
obliged and sent the poor girl a lot of money but I haven’t heard from her
since then.
Maybe
she is still busy laying the gas pipes.
As
for Hydro-Electricity, the country which has the biggest surplus of it is
Paraguay. Paraguay is probably the most corrupt country in the world.
They
sell most of it, electricity as well as corruption, to Brazil; but with the
unused megawatts, they electrocute fish in the Rio Parana. (This practice is a
local pastime and similar to dynamiting
fish. We are not alone in that respect!)
My Paraguayan
friend and business partner, Senor Ignacio “El Bandido” del Gordo, to give his
full name, recently wrote to me to say that all was in place for a hydroelectric
powered gem manufacturing facility near Ciudad del Este, Paraguay.
“Si!
Si! Senor! Estamos listo!” he says, which is Spanish for “Yes! Yes! Sir! We are
ready to make sapphires and make a lot of money and buy lots of bottles of
Pisco!”
Mi
amigo Ignacio, or Ig as I call him, was recently persecuted and prosecuted
because of his political views about money, but he is otherwise a clean-living,
good, religious sort of chap with only one wife.
He has
only just got out of prison! He had been found guilty of something called
“embezzlement” which I believe is normal in Paraguay.
Consolidated Gems of…
Anyway,
I have now set up a company called Consolidated
Gem’s of Paradise, or Con-Gem’s
for short. The company is registered in Burkina Faso as well as in Thailand for
good measure, but the head office is in Colombo: Basement Flat 01, Paradise
Towers (still under construction), behind St John’s Fish Market, Pettah.
This
makes us a Multi-National Company. It is easy to register companies anywhere.
We can produce 100% artificial, genuine
gem’s…er…I mean, gems. All we now need is some start-off capital in the form of
Dollars….to buy Pisco.
Between
Gala, Ignacio and me and most importantly, with your financial support, we could put the whole Sri Lankan gem
business out of business!
At
least that way, we will be able to stop the “ruination of the environment”
thing and stop people from falling into and drowning in gem pits!
Of their own
making!
Serious note:
The
technology to manufacture artificial diamonds, rubies and sapphires have, been
around for years, and still continue to be used, in the production of
industrial diamonds and rubies.
There
are also other perfectly legitimate practices for altering the characteristics
of naturally occurring gems, which I believe have been practised
and continue to be practised. Some techniques can be hazardous or can fall foul
of existing legislation or health and safety.
It
is best not to try these at home.
First published: Sunday Times of Sri Lanka, 1st April, 2012
No comments:
Post a Comment